Survival Mode

We have been in survival mode around these parts. Being sick for 6 weeks, thus far, has rendered me incapacitated for many days. This means that our household has let things go that aren't of utmost importance.

We ensure that our kids are fed and (mostly) clean. The household tasks have taken their turn on the back burner. We do dishes and laundry on a regular basis. Occasionally, we sweep or mow the lawn. But those deep cleaning tasks have fallen by the way side. We only mop if the floor is sticky.  Vacuuming hasn't been done (not that we do it that often anyway, since we mostly have hardwood floors).  Dusting....well. It's only been done when it bugs me and I'm feeling up for an "extra" activity.

But those extra things, cleaning the fridge, dusting baseboards, wiping cupboards, clearing clutter, getting rid of dust bunnies, cleaning under couches, organizing toys....those things haven't been done. Our house doesn't look awful. Its just not as clean as I like it. But we've been in survival mode, so I don't care. (except for the fact that I had planned to do a deep clean before the Barkman's showed up. Sorry guys. It didn't happen.)

Last week our survival mode, turned into an extreme sport. I was stricken with the 24 hour flu. What I thought was an extreme case of morning sickness, turned into something much, much worse. Dan had left for work already, so it was just me and the boys. I could barely move. In the morning I got them snack traps full of cheerios and plunked myself on the couch. The boys watched ten whole minutes of a movie, before running off to cause trouble. The lids on the snack traps came off and cheerios were everywhere. But I was too sick to care. Didn't even ask the boys to clean it up, since I was too tired and sick. When Dan got home, I apologized for the cheerios all over the living room floor. Dan comes up the stairs and says, "What cheerios?" I guess the boys had their afternoon snack...of cheerios. They have great foraging skills.

The next day, I felt much better. The following day, I didn't even feel nauseous all day. We spent the day stripping and staining the deck, doing a little bit of cleaning (just the basics) and celebrating Deklan's first birthday. It felt amazing to get out and DO something.

Survival mode is tough. Especially for a clean freak. But I've learnt to let things go. I've sort of taken the mantra of the airplane breathing mask instructions. Take care of yourself first, then help your children. That way, everyone lives. The boys are really good about taking care of me and one another. I have never been worried about their survival....not even when I had the flu. Joel got out crackers and fed Micah. They kept giving me water to keep me hydrated.

Somehow in the last six weeks, we have survived. And sometimes, we have thrived. We are making it. One day at a time. And soon, we will look back at this (agonizingly long and slow) time as a distant memory. We will have survived.

$10.99

7 Diclectin a day, keeps the nausea at bay.

Eleven bucks. Thats how much it costs A DAY to keep the nausea away. At $1.57 a pill, its a small price to pay to keep "living." Without the pills, I'd be lying on the couch moaning and groaning, or over the toilet spilling my guts. Even with the meds, its still touch and go at times. But not nearly as bad as when the nausea first hit. And with two kids, I can't afford to be down and out.

So, somewhere in our limited budget, we have pulled the first two hundred dollars to pay for the first "months" worth. (a months worth is 4 pills a day or 120 pills, so my 7 a day habit is a smidge more than a months worth at 210 pills). Luckily, we were gifted another 60 pills, so not quite MY months worth. But we definitely appreciated the gift!

Hopefully the nausea will lessen quickly and not last my usual 8-10 weeks. Otherwise, we might need to rob a bank to pay for my "drug" habit.

A (slightly) small price to pay for such a precious gift.

RLS

Three nights of painful RLS (restless leg syndrome) symptoms. That's how I knew. Somewhere in my third night of suffering, when I was awake yet again dealing with the painful urge to move my legs, I turned to Dan and said, "I haven't suffered from restless leg syndrome this bad since I was pregnant with Micah."

*Lightbulb goes off*

Holy moley! I'm pregnant! Nah, that can't be true.

Now what did I take to make it better? Racking my brain, I figured out that Calcium/Magnesium was the ticket to relieving my restless legs. So the next morning, I took the kids and went to Shoppers for some meds. While I was there, I grabbed a pregnancy test. We did some running around and by the time I got home, I took the test. I didn't really think that I was pregnant. Normally, I would inform Dan of my decision to take "the test." But this time, I did it on a whim. That's how convinced I was that it would be negative.

So, I did my business and put the stick on the counter. When I glanced at it a few seconds later, I marvelled at how they had changed where the control line was. Hmmm...oh well. I waited a few more seconds for the grand reveal. Then I started that doing the look.  The one where you wonder if that line is really a line or just a figment of your imagination. If I turn it this way, I see a shadowish type of line, that could possibly be a line. (Can you tell that I've always had lines that were barely visible for all my pregnancies?) But this one. Oh this one. You remember how I mentioned that control line? Yep. That wasn't the control line. They hadn't changed where it was. That control line was the "you're pregnant" line. The control line was there. Yelling at me.

Holy Moley! There are two lines. I'm pregnant!

I freaked. I couldn't believe it. So many emotions flooded my system. Excitement. Fear. Disbelief. Nervousness. Happiness. I really didn't know what to think.

So I shifted my attention on making a "big reveal" to Dan. I knew I needed to act normally. Focus on him. Ask him about his day. Tell him about your mechanic trip. Basic ordinary things that we do everyday. Then, when I could stand it no longer, I told Dan that I got him something. He was excited, wondering what I could have possibly picked up for him during my busy day. In a nice, empty box of chocolates that we keep around for gift giving, I had placed my pregnancy test. So I handed him the box. He spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to open it. Literally it was 2 seconds, but I was so excited that I "helped" him get it open.

His response: shock! Are you kidding me? What does this mean? Two lines? That's pregnant! Oh my goodness!

Once the shock wore off, happiness ensued. Then fear. Then more shock. We had a fun evening chatting about all our emotions and sharing the joy of this little life.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day was a particularily emotional one for me.

I was grateful for my two precious little boys. Happy to see their smiling faces deliver hand made cards (one a day early since the big one couldn't contain his excitement). I marvel at how they have grown up and am facinated by their knowledge. I felt cherished as Dan tried to explain to them what today was all about. It was a relaxing time with my boys, spent at church and at the beach.

But it was also a sad day. Today I remember Judah. I remember and mourn his loss. I should be 7, almost 8 months pregnant. My body should be uncomfortable, but instead it was my heart. I am sad about what should be, but try to focus on what is.

Today I remember that I am holding a little blessing. Unknown to many, but a few chosen friends and family. Today I cherish the little life that I am growing. Today I am six weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. Today, as I fend off nausea and fear, I cherish my little blessing. My emotions are wild. I am excited to be pregnant. I am fearful that just that one little twinge may be the end of this pregnancy. I fear that when I feel healthy, that I have lost another child. I rejoice and am disgusted when I feel nauseaus.

Today my emotions are all over the place. I am happy for the family I have. I mourn over the child I have lost. I am excited, scared and filled with hope over the life that is to come. Today is MOther's Day. A day to celebrate all sorts of Mothers. Mothers that are, and are yet to be. Mothers with their arms full and Mother's longing for a child. Mothers by a traditional sense and mothers by other means. 

Today I longed for the Mother's Day of old. The days when I didn't realize the heartbreak of motherhood. The longing for a child. That there was a difference between a mother and a spiritual mother. I miss the simplity. That pretty much everyone older than me was a mother. Today, I wish that every woman (and man) would realize their importance. That whether we have children of our own or not, we are all responsible for raising these children. We are all intrusted to be ambassators of these children. Raising my two boys has made me realize that I need all the help I can get. I need a different perspective on life from other people. I cannot do this on my own. I need community. These boys need community.

So today, to everyone out there: Thank you. Thank you for being present in our lives. For encouraging us, challenging us, caring for us, celebrating with us and mourning with us. Our lives have been touched by your generosity and your spirits.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love Amanda, Dan, Joel, Micah, Judah and Baby #4

Micah turns 2!

Today, with a small gathering of friends, we celebrated Micah's second birthday.

Micah's request: a sea star cake!

We had a wonderful time celebrating Micah's life. Micah had a great time playing with friends and eating cake (including his friend's piece!)

Micah, you are a character. You constantly keep us laughing at the silly things you do. The way you make your food "rain" or fly into your mouth with this silly grin. You have been nicknamed The Garburator, since we can almost always find you at the table finishing off your meal (or someone else's) long after everyone else has left the table.  You definitely love food! Sometimes we even find you chewing on table scraps that we haven't had a chance to clean up! Silly boy!

You have been an the easiest child and the hardest child to parent. You are super easy going and I will often find you reading books or playing by yourself.  You can entertain yourself for hours with simple items and I don't often worry about you getting into things. But boy oh boy, have you been a challenge. I think it will be a long time before we forget how you woke us up every 45 minutes for three and half months! Your sleep has improved drastically and we can regularly put you in bed, sing a song and walk out the door. But when you are off, you are off. Hours of tears or crying out for mommy and daddy. You are only snugly when you aren't feeling well, which has been quite often. My poor boy, you have spent more than half of your life with a cold or teething pains. I don't really know what its like to have you without snot dripping out of your nose. You are not a fan of teething, and you like the whole world to know it! I can't blame you though. You are like your momma. You have a low tolerance for everyday pain, but when the big injuries happen, you handle it like a trooper. In your two years of life, you have been to the ER twice and for an emergency dental trip once.  This has resulted in numerous stitches in your finger, a lost front tooth and a nice scar in your chin.

You look up to your brother Joel. You imitate him regularly, which is super cute. Unless its doing something naughty! Joel loves to let you out of your bed in the morning, and you are always happy to see him. I often find the two of you playing nicely together, holding hands, going off on an adventure. But you are a little spitfire and certainly have a set of lungs to prove it! When things don't go your way or toys are taken from you, we certainly can hear your screaming about it! Hopefully, when you learn a few more words, you'll be able to communicate a little differently.

You are talking more and more everyday. You certainly surprise me with the words that you know, although I should have know that your vocabulary would be immense since you copy everything that Joel says and does. I love that you can identify the plants around the lake like buttercups and bleeding hearts. But sometimes its hard to understand what you are saying since you often drop the first one or two syllables of words! "uttercup" "eeding art!"

I can't wait to see the boy that you are becoming and to see your interests develop. Your brain works so differently than your brothers, and I can't wait to see all the things that you come up with. You have an eye for how things work, and I'm excited to see your engineering skills at work. I can't wait for your words and stories to become clearer and answer all your "why" questions. (or to see how Joel answers your questions!) I'm excited to see how you will transition into your role as Big Brother. You are so tenderhearted and love to help out, and I am excited to see how you react to the new baby.

Micah, you are a welcomed addition to our family. We love you and can't wait to see who your turn into!

Coming January 2015

Baby McCrimmon #4

9 weeks 4 days old

We saw and heard this baby's little heartbeat today.

There is no sweeter sound to this momma's ears.

Alive and well!

We are overjoyed!