A little while ago, I was at the gym, talking with an older mom about parenting. She mentioned that she was surprised about how much guilt she had. She felt guilty that she didn't like playing with her kids. She felt guilty that her kid didn't know his ABC's. She felt guilty feeding her baby, while her toddler wanted her attention. I get it. I totally get it. Its mom guilt. We constantly feel like we aren't good enough or aren't being the best parents. We worry about our kids and their future because we want what's best for them. But its time to drop the mom guilt.
My kid may not know his ABCs, but he knows other things. He can properly stir a pan of vegetables on a hot stove, all by himself. He may not be able to count to 10, but he knows how to turn on the stove and that freshly cut onions hurt your eyes. He may not have a large spoken vocabulary, but he does understand multi-step directions or that "go outside" means that he needs to get his shoes, coat and hat on. He may not be fully potty trained, but he can walk over a kilometer at an adults pace. He has his strengths and his weaknesses.
I am confident that in the future, he will learn the skills he needs. Like talking and using a toilet. He will eventually know his ABCs and 123's. He will learn to read and grow up to be a functioning member of society. He may do it faster than your kid. Or he may do it slower. He may just skip things entirely. But I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
I don't like playing games on the floor with my kids. But I do enjoy cooking. And you can see that Joel has developed a love for it as well. We need to focus on our own strengths and the strengths of our children. I feel guilty that Joel doesn't know his ABC's and that I haven't taught them to him. But I enjoy going out for walks. So, instead of teaching ABCs, we are learning about deciduous trees in our neighbourhood. One day in the future, he will want to learn. But at this point in his little life, he is more interested in cooking, fountains at city hall and finding every puppy and fan in the neighbourhood. So I shouldn't feel guilty that I haven't taught him that yet. He will learn them. But right now, he is learning different things.
I need to stop feeling guilty about the "should's" and start enjoying the "right nows." I should teach him his ABCs. But I am enjoying watch his culinary skills develop. Other kids may be able to name animals and their sounds, but I need to celebrate what MY kid can do. And he can do a lot.
He can:
* stir hot items on the stove alone, turn the stove on and off, put lids on and off boiling pots, put vegetables into a hot pan gently, so that he doesn't get splattered
* recognizes that the little light on the stove means its hot, but also knows that once the light is gone, the stove is still hot
* can walk over a kilometer at an adult pace
* recognize when things need to be cleaned and knows where the cleaning supplies are
* knows how to share and is willing share a toy with another kid
* notices when people are sad and tries to cheer them up
* can name most fruit and vegetables
* will put toys away in the proper bin
* notices the small details, especially when things are out of place and will fix them.
* cleans up garbage (He's a great steward of God's creation)
* notices cars and know that they are dangerous
....and the list goes on. He can cook and clean. He knows life skills. I am so proud of him. I am enjoying watching his little mind soak up everything he needs to know. He will learn the things that I am teaching him and so much more. He may not know a single nursery rhyme, but there is so many more things that he does know. And for that, I am proud. So, its time to drop the guilt and put on a proud face. I am a good mom. And he is a great son!
