Yesterday at church, the book "Alexander's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" was read for the children's feature. Today, I feel as though I might be living one of those days.
10:45 AM Peeled myself off the couch, so that I could use the facilities and then go and prepare lunch for River, Joel and myself. I was planning a lovely grilled cheese sandwich to go with the Broccoli Cheese Soup that was sitting as leftovers in my fridge. I was very excited about the soup and sandwich....a total pregnancy craving.
10:46 AM While relieving myself in the bathroom, I hear this horrible crash, followed by shattering glass and a wailing child. Knowing that my beloved pot lid just broke and Joel was in the midst of shattered glass, I began screaming for him to stay still and not move. Did I mention yet that I am currently suffering from a cold that has rendered my voice pretty much useless? So trying to scream with barely a voice for a 16 month old to not move....yah. That didn't really work well. I quickly finish my business as thoughts of a young child crawling through shards of glass, bleeding from every orifice filled my mind. Luckily, he was so shocked by the noise of the glass shattering, he hadn't moved. I quickly made my way through the glass tsunami to Joel, picked him up and assessed the damage.
10:48 AM I'm yelling at River to not move, as he was trying to pick up shattered glass that happened to make its way all the way from the kitchen into the living room where he was playing. All the while, trying to console a screaming one year old and remove little pieces of glass from his hands. Luckily there was no blood and no cuts. Just shards of glass covering his hands, which I quickly washed off.
10:50 AM Joel is still screaming, probably startled by the noise of the glass shattering and his mother's response. I barricade Joel and River in Joel's bedroom with the baby gate and attempt to clean up the mess. But Joel's screams are too much for this woman, and her child takes precedence. I distract Joel with toys and attempt to go back to sweeping up the glass chunks.
11:00 AM I spend a few minutes sweeping up the large chunks of glass, going back and forth between cleaning and consoling a child. I finally realize that Joel is not going to calm down until he has my full attention. But I'm in a bit of a time crunch since River has to leave for preschool in an hour and we still need lunch. But we can't have lunch until all the shards of glass are removed from the carpet and lino. Literally, the pot lid spewed itself in all directions and no where was safe for the kids except Joel's room. So, I let my child wail. And I cleaned. All the while wondering if I should call someone to help me.
11:05 AM I pull out the vacuum and start the long drawn out process of vacuuming up shards of glass. Side note: the vacuum does not suck up chunks of glass which happened to be all over the carpet and refused to be swept up. Time seems to fly by, Joel seems to scream louder and the glass doesn't seem to be going away.
11:18 AM I finally ask River to clean up the toys that are all over the living room, with specific instructions to shake all the glass out of them first. Yep.....a 5 year old shaking out glass chunks onto the carpet. I'm carrying Joel, just to shut him up while I continue to vacuum. Did I mention that I'm about 6 weeks away from delivering my second child? This isn't an easy task without a leech attached to you, let alone with one crawling all over you.
11:20 AM I get things under a bit of control and strap Joel into his booster seat. (Basically, vacuuming and caring a child is a bit of an impossible task this far in my pregnancy). The last bit of vacuuming is done (which pretty much involved a deep clean of the entire house....an upside of the whole situation perhaps) and I attempt to get lunch for the kidlets.
11:24 AM I've pulled out whatever leftovers I have on hand and prepare to feed the kids. River gets leftover salad, his favorite..NOT! and Joel gets some apples to keep him happy. I try to make a bit more substantial lunch for the kids....a quick sandwich for River and Joel and a nice BLT for me.
11:38 AM I finally sit down after preparing lunch and encourage River to keep eating his veggies quickly since we have to go. He puts a bit of veggies on his fork (mushrooms.....what are those he asks?) and puts it in his mouth. Then the gagging begins. The fake puking. And all the while, I'm telling him to just swallow it down (he's eaten mushrooms before and liked them). Its just one of those antics hes pulling to get his way. So I'm firm with him...and he gags. Then the cough/vomit/gag turns into a semi spew and I now have mushroom spit all over my sandwich. Awesome!
11:43 AM Things calm down a bit, and I tell River he has to finish his last bite of veggies before he can go pee. (that was my first mistake) But he had an empty mouth and we can't waste time....we only have a few minutes before we need to go and he still has an entire sandwich to eat. So, in goes the veggies as he runs off to pee.
11:46 AM "Oh no!!!! I did something bad!" River says. I'm thinking he has spit out the veggies, but no.....there is pee ALL OVER THE FLOOR. He attempted to pee in the toilet, but forgot to lift the second lid. So, now there is pee all over the floor, his pants and my bathmat. This sends this pregnant woman into gag fest, as I try to remain calm and get him to clean it up, all the while trying to keep my lunch in its proper place.
11:53 AM Clean up of the pee finished. Lunch nearly complete. A mad scramble to change Joel's diaper (luckily no poop!), get kids shoes and jackets on and out the door. Try to clean up lunch quickly, so that I can come home and have a nap after dropping off River. The other upside of the whole situation: the vacuum is still out, so lunch cleanup was a breeze.
12:00 PM Out the door and on the road to school.
12:20 PM Nancy (River's mom) comes out the get River. She asks how the day was. I said it was okay. He had a 1.5 hour nap this morning (good) and not so good since he peed his pants. She does a quick inspection and realizes that he is soaking wet and we don't have back-up clothes. Then, my day changes again. Can I take him home, wash his clothes and hang out with him all afternoon? NOOOO! But yes! The upside: 3.5 hours of extra money. A free load of laundry and a Starbucks as a bribe from Nancy. The downside: another child for a few extra hours, a harder time putting Joel down for a nap, having to do laundry instead of taking that nap.
3:00 PM Here I am, no nap under my belt and pretty tired. River in my bedroom watch Mythbusters. Joel sleeping. And a strong desire for chocolate cake. Perhaps, the day wasn't that bad, now that I'm a few hours removed from the chaos. But I still miss my pot lid. And I think I'll make that chocolate cake....perhaps after I fold that laundry. Maybe after that nap.
I. Love. You.
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