6 Months

Six very long months. The last six months with Micah have been a challenge. He is normally a lovely boy during the day, but the nights are another story. We've shared how Micah spent 2 1/2 months waking up every 45 minutes. He slowly got better, stretching his sleeping time to two hours. It felt wonderful compared to the 45 we were getting. But its hard to live off of 2 hours of sleep at a time. That is what newborns do, not one year olds! Remember back to when you have a newborn. You take care of the baby and that's about it. You don't cook meals, grocery shop, clean or have "regular life" if you don't have to. But here we are, with an active one year old, a two and half year old and still only sleeping 2 hours at a time. Its challenging.

But sometime last week, things changed. I especially noticed a change when Dan was drinking tea in the morning instead of his regular coffee. He noticed that I was getting up with him and the boys at seven, instead of burying myself in the covers until eight. What changed? We started to get three or four hour stretches of sleep. (Which, by the way, make you feel like a million bucks!). During the day, naps doubled in length to three hours. When Micah was awake, I caught a glimpse of the child I once knew. He was giggling and smiling and overall happy. He was snuggly, but no longer his clingy self. He was the child I remember having six months ago. I miss that happy child!

These last six months have been tough on that little boy. He's been teething, had numerous ear aches, belly troubles from meds, growing pains, stitches, and many, many colds. For the last six months, he hasn't been well.

I remember one day, Katrina was over and commented that Micah didn't have a runny nose. I barely noticed, since his nose was always runny. What I do remember is that he was happy and sleeping well. When Katrina and I were talking about Micah and his sleep habits, Katrina mentioned that he really is a good sleeper. He just hasn't felt well and has been in pain for months. It shocked me (because at the time we were getting up every 45 minutes). But as time goes on, it is the truth. He does sleep well (when he's not in pain). 

It makes me sad that we've missed out on Micah's giggles, smiles and independence. But I have enjoyed the snuggles. We hope and pray that Micah will continue to feel well and that his happy self with shine through. (Although last night was a bad night and low and behold, he woke up this morning with a fever. Boo.)

Two (semi-related) side notes:
1. The worst thing that people have said to me when I mention the sleep due to pain etc. is that their child just popped two teeth and they didn't even notice. Which sometimes makes me giggle with its their first two teeth...those first two barely registered with Micah. When he got the next six at once, we barely noticed. But try getting a molar and four eye teeth at once. Oh, and the molar came so fast that there is a purple blood blister in his gums.  Every child deals with pain differently.  Micah takes it hard. Okay, he just doesn't sleep. But he barely cries at all. He just doesn't sleep well when he's in pain. Every child has their own way of dealing with pain. Some cry, some don't sleep. Micah just doesn't sleep.

2. I have felt like a bad mother. I've yelled more than I like. I've been impatient. I've failed to teach my children things. I've let discipline go. I've just been too tired. Sometimes I see the kids misbehaving and I just don't have the energy to deal with it. It takes a lot to show kids the right way to behave. I remember a mom at the gym sympathizing with me and saying, "No wonder you're tired." She went on to encourage me. I don't remember what she said. I just remember that she didn't give me any sleep tips. She just sympathized with me. And that was what I needed. I know I'm not a bad mother. I'm just a better mother when I get sleep.