Put on your courage belt

Every Sunday, our day begins the same. Okay, not really. The same sort of things go on, in various orders and speeds. The last few weeks though, before we leave for church, Joel grabs his cardboard guitar, starts singing and insists that he is going to the front of the church to sing. He loves singing and playing guitar. But every week, he gets to church and the fear takes over. You can see it in his face, he is just terrified to be there. So he doesn't go. This week when I asked him about it, he said, "I scared mommy."

Its something that resonates with both Dan and I. We both grew up in a church that didn't necessarily encourage children to "be" children. Kids were expected to sit in their seat, or go to nursery and generally behave or they would be removed from the sanctuary. While this is a part of disciplining your child and a part of learning how to act in church, there always seemed like there was no room for exploration. But something that Dan and I want to instill in our children is the opportunity to be themselves. They don't always have to follow the crowd. They can be themselves and be a part of the church. One of the many reasons I love this church is that kids are encouraged to participate and to be themselves.

I heard a story of a child who at the age of three started to shadow his mother on stage while she sang and played guitar on worship team. He took his toy guitar and played next to her on Sundays. He is now a confident young adult who leads worship and plays in a band.

Its not that I expect Joel to be musical. I just want him to be confident in who he is and the abilities he has. So this Sunday, during worship, I told Joel to put on his courage belt. I turned around to look at Micah and by the time I turned back, Joel was gone. I asked Dan where he was. Joel was at the front of the church, standing beside Irmgard who was playing piano. He stood there the entire time. He watched Irmgard play. I could see the wheels turning as he stared at the keys, wondering how they made noise. He inched close to the keys, wanting to touch, but knowing that it was inappropriate.  He sat when she told him to sit and stood during the singing. He wasn't too distracting just curious. Irmgard was amazing with him (thanks again!) and he really seem engaged in the music. He was so interested in Irmgard and the piano that he refused to go to children's feature. I tried to engage him in the story, but he ran back to the piano. This kid knows what he wants!

Later that night, when I asked him about his day, he reenacted the entire situation. He told me that he "ran down the hill (the church has a slight slope to it) and ran to the big black thing. The big black thing (ahem...piano) made lots of noise. Irmgard told me sit down. I sit. I watch them play guitar. I sing songs. Big black thing make LOTS of noise."

He keeps talking about it (which means he had a lot of fun). I hope that with a little encouragement, Joel can conquer his fears. He has always been his own person (as well as a little shy and timid), answering questions in a way I don't expect (eg. Holding 3 items: how many do I have? Instead of answering three, he'll say lots). Or doing things that I haven't seen many kids his own age doing (like dressing up as an anemometer). I hope to foster his creativity and imagination. I hope to encourage him to be the person that God has created him to be (even if its embarrassing, cringe-worthy, or goes against the way I was raised). He needs to be himself. He isn't me or Dan. He is Joel. And we love him.