Ebbs and Flow

I feel as though as a parent, there are times of ebb and flow. Seasons that change as your child grow. Sometimes, you sail through life and parenting is easy and enjoyable. Other times, every day is filled with challenging parenting moments and you wish you could fast forward a few months.

We are in a season of challenge. I know that in a month or two, it will change back into a season of enjoyment. But seasons of challenge are well...challenging. And when you have a spirited child, they are even more challenging.

Currently, every demand is met with a challenge, or a negotiation. "Put on your shoes" can take 15 minutes. Sometimes we are met with a negotiation or downright defiance. Even when we implement the warning system (five minutes till we put on our shoes!), we are still met with defiance. Its extremely exhausting. We have to be creative at times to get things done or to have obedience. We are tired.

We know that one of our children works at their own pace. He goes against the flow and toots his own horn. We love him for his creativity and the observations that he makes. But sometimes, we just wish that we could focus his creativity on the task at hand. We've often joked that dinner time would go much faster and probably be more enjoyable for us if we could seclude him in a black box. A bug, the wind, his brother, creativity are all distractions. Sometimes a crab or lobster (his hand) will come to the table with us but we can never get the crab or lobster to take a bite. Its frustrating to all of us.

The hardest part (right now) is the defiance. A simple request can warrant a tantrum, negotiations, manipulations or defiance. Almost every single time!  We often hear the words "....and that's why I can't do it." This phrase is usually proceeded by some creative excuse. The toys are in the way. My animals wanted to (insert excuse).  I need to (excuse here). Seriously kid! Just put on your dang shoes! Or get dressed! Or pick up your toys! Or stay in your bed! Or get in the van! Or stop colouring on the table!

Every transition during the day is rough. Sometimes, we feel as though we need a few more tools in our parenting toolbox in order to parent this child. We do our best with what we know, but sometimes during these seasons of challenge, we feel inadequate.

But often, before we are consumed by our inadequacies, we either gain more skills to cope or we flow into a season of enjoyment. We know we are doing our best. But sometime during these seasons of challenge, we feel overwhelmed. We are exhausted. We are tired of negotiating.

My mom gave us a comic strip, Grand Avenue, that we put on our fridge that perfectly describes our life.

The Grandma (the caregiver) is telling the child, "Why am I always negotiating with you? I'm the adult-I make the rules. Yet every time I ask you to do something, you start in with bargaining and haggling. So you're going to be punished. March straight up to your room."

Child: "Can I skip instead?"

It makes me laugh. But when you deal with it in reality, its not as funny. But its our life. And our child. We don't get to have it any other way. Not even if we try negotiating our way out of it.