The hardest place to parent a child

A friend asked me, "Where is the hardest place to be a parent?"


I didn't have to think long about it. Church. You see, church is a place where we are expected to sit still and be quiet. Two things that don't come easily to kids....especially my kids. The hard part for me, as a parent, is dealing with the judging eyes. The whispers. The "why can't she control her kids?"


You see, at a grocery store or any public place for that matter, if the kids act out or throw a tantrum, the likelihood of seeing those judging eyes again are slim. But at church, we see the same people week after week. The same people who had a problem with our kids last week, will probably have a problem with us again this week.


But as time has gone on, I've realized that there are less and less of those judging eyes. Most of the judgement I thought I was receiving was fictional. There are still some people who wonder about our parenting. But they are far and few between. Most people don't care that our kids make a little noise. Or move around. Or act silly or (God-forbid) act like children.


Almost three summers ago while in church, Dan and I overheard a comment that blessed us so deeply. It was meant to be whispered from a Father to his daughter. We cannot remember this man's exact words. But the sentiment cut us to the core. We have mulled this comment over since that summer, not able to process it completely. I think it will remain as one of those pivotal comments that changed how we parent and how we feel about parenting. The comment goes something like this: "I'm pretty sure that God prefers kids not to sit still and be quiet. I'm pretty sure he wants them to move around and be kids."


Something along the lines of "Let the little children come to me." Something that was picturesque in the story books and even my imagination growing up. But the reality is completely different. Kids are crazy, unpredictable and loud. I can imagine pushing and shoving. I can imagine giggling and screeching. I imagine running and skipping. All those things that aren't necessarily welcome in church. But oddly enough, Jesus says, "Let the screaming, running, shoving, loud, obnoxious, excited, giggly children come to me."  And what this gentleman was saying was the exact same thing. He wants those same children to come to church. To be childlike.

Oddly enough, the hardest place to parent has become the best place to parent. We are five years into this parenting gig and are just starting to appreciate the complexities of it all.  Five years ago, we were worried that our cooing baby would be distracting to others around us. Now, we realize that our children are welcomed into our church. We have come to appreciate that our children, our loud, obnoxious, clambering all over the place, kicking the seat in front of us, children are welcome in church. We have stayed at this church, because we know our children are welcome. We make a point of coming to church every week knowing that we are welcome. We have been blessed by our community.

There was an older gentleman, who has since passed away, who would sit behind our family every week. He fell in love with our kids and would intentionally come to church to see our children. He was very purposeful in his actions. Every week, he made sure to pull me aside and say the exact same thing to me. Words that resonated with me. Words that encouraged me. Words that challenged me. Words that I still hear every week as I take a seat in church. When I look at his daughter, I hear those words. When I see the empty spot where she usually sits, I hear those words.  "You are a good mom." Simple words that became a mantra of sorts. Words that got me through those tough days. Words that affirmed who I was, rather than what was being seen by the outside world. On those days when I sat embarrassed and ashamed at my children's behaviour, I felt loved and affirmed.  Church still can be the hardest place to parent. But it is also the most joyous and encouraging. Church is no longer a place I dread going to for fear of what my children will do. Church has become a place that we long for. That we need. That we come to for love and encouragement.

Our children come to be themselves. We come to be ourselves. Its a messy, loud, exciting place. A place we are welcomed. A place we like to call home.