3 Years Old

Dear Joel
Today,at the moment I post this (8:02pm) you turn three years old. From the moment you were conceived, you have sent us on an emotional roller coaster ride. Once you started to move, you decided that stopping is NOT an option. Even in the womb, you kept me on my toes. Twice, I almost passed out from your movements. The nurses labeled it "active baby syndrome" and boy were they right! When the time came for you to be born, you came flying out. This momma was not prepared for that!  And you haven't stopped moving since. I remember a time when Darnell  and Greg took you and Cody to the park. He could never quite understand what I was talking about when I said that you were fast. He came back exhausted from chasing you and was glad he didn't lose you. If he blinked, you were gone. More times than I care to count that has happened to me. You just bolt. The worst part for me is that you think its a game to keep quiet when I call your name. I remember searching our old house, looking for you. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find you. I was calling your name and getting frantic and still you kept hiding. I later found you in the closet, still and quiet, playing your little "game" with me. (By the way, its NOT funny)

Joel, from the moment you were born, I knew I was in trouble. You constantly keep me on my toes. You love to do things in your own time (usually fast), but will quite often only do things if you know you CAN do them. You rolled over for two weeks before anyone actually witnessed it. You refused to practise crawling, until one day you were gone. You liked walking but were too nervous to take steps on your own until you knew you could it alone. Then, within just twenty short minutes, you went from taking your first steps to walking across the room. You were nine and half months old! Much too little for that sorta thing. But you were a mover. You weren't much of a talker, sometimes trying to imitate our voices or make sounds, but never in front of anyone else. But once you started talking, boy were we in trouble. You haven't stopped since! (Yet, you still refuse to "perform" for anyone!) I think you just went from making sounds to talking in full sentences. The words that you pick up on astound me. I often wonder where you heard such a word. The other day, you were playing with a friends calculator type toy. When you asked what it was, I said calculator. You said, "No mommy. Its a typewriter." Say what? Typewriter? Where you learnt that word, I still don't know. Perhaps its from a book you read.

You LOVE reading. We've had to hide books on you because we are so sick of reading the same story over and over again. But once we pull them out, you can recite the book word for word. I think you've memorized Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, and that's how you know the alphabet. (It ain't from us singing, that's for sure!)

You still rarely play with toys, but would prefer to play with me. Or rather, cook and clean alongside me. You still are obsessed with cooking and are almost ready to take over dinner preparation. You quite often come up with fun games for you and Micah to play, often involving running in circles around the house. You are so loving to Micah. You always want to wake him up when he is sleeping. You care for him and make sure he has forks at mealtimes. But you are often rough with him also. I have seen you boys wrestle a few times and although it is cute, someone, usually Micah, ends up hurt. You love to share with Micah, but you also enjoy stealing toys from him. Really, its a love/hate relationship. Just like most brothers have! You are either the kindest brother or you are smacking him over the head and stealing his toy. We are working on sharing and treating Micah kindly.

You love Jacob Moon. You can recognize his voice, even from his new songs. I think seeing him in concert last June made you fall in love with music even more. You have been obsessed with the guitar ever since. The first time I felt you move, was at the Highland games when the bagpipes were playing. Daddy says you were dancing, but I'm convinced you were kicking and screaming, "make it stop!"

Joel you have been blessed with a very sensitive spirit. You have shown so much empathy in your little life. I have seen and been a recipient of your caring spirit. You give stuffed animals to your brother when he is sad or hurt. You have this little routine of 'pound it, hug, kiss, tickle' that you do, but only when I am really sad. You have come up with ideas of how to bless others, like sending snacks to Asher for the plane ride after his grandpa passed away. Or giving cookies to friends because they are going through a tough time. When you heard that Katrina gave birth to Deklan, you ran to the kitchen to make her dinner because you care about her. But with this sensitive spirit comes some challenges. You have large emotions son. They are a blessing when you are happy because the whole world knows it. But when are struggling with something, it can overwhelm you. Part of that is because you are three. The other part is that you are very sensitive to the world around you. Fear can sometimes overtake you. But we are practicing putting on our courage belt and facing the scary world head on. Anger and frustration  sometimes get the best of you. But we are working on asking for help with those big emotions. We are learning that trying (and failing) is okay. We are learning to not run away from those things that frustrate you, but to ask for help to face them.

Joel, you have challenged me in ways I could never express. Those days of sleeplessness and pleading to God to make you sleep have (mostly) ended. But now, I am asking God to help me, help you with your emotions. I have seen them overtake you and it saddens me. But as you mother, I am privileged to be able to wrap you in my arms and snuggle you until they cease.

My favorite moments with you are those right before you go to bed when I get to snuggle you. Sometimes you try to goof off and other times you snuggle right in and talk about your day. I love hearing the things that made an impression on you. You are always thankful for the kind people God has brought into your life. You remember with gratitude those who have helped you, given to you or played with you. I am glad that gratitude and thankfulness are two big emotions I see regularly. You are thankful for so many cute and funny things, like nightlights and diggers. You pray for specific people every night, thanking God for them. I am thankful for them too. They have blessed you and poured into your life in ways that I am not always capable of or in ways that are different to my own. I am grateful for them too.

Joel, on this, your third birthday, I am grateful for you. You challenge me and bless me everyday. I am proud to be your mother and I look forward to seeing who you become in the years to come.