Cravings and Aversions

* a little bit of a record for myself for memories sake

The Cravings:
Blueberries and cream (the ultimate craving. But I held off until blueberries were in season to fulfill it. Plus, I didn't want to ruin blueberries for a lifetime by puking them up!)

Blueberries (frozen. Rationed down to the last blueberry of last years season to perfectly sync up with this years season. Or in Tim Hortons muffins. Not homemade, only Tim Hortons. I've been known to drive to three separate Tim Hortons in search for said muffin, dry heaving or puking in the parking lots of those who "ran out." And the poor lady that offered me a fruit bran muffin instead....oh boy! Let's just say, I'm sorry and move on.)

Gouda on toast (thanks to Maria for fulfilling this one for me. Alas, it turned quickly into the aversions. Dang inability to keep anything down! Dan was excited though!)

Fresh summer fruit (for some reason, I think of July as the beginning of summer fruit...peaches, nectarines, plums. But those are more August. I was definitely disappointed to not have summer fruit in abundance. Can't wait to get my hands on them!)

Aversions:
Bananas (ever since my pregnancy with Micah (or Joel?) these have been gross, but I can handle them no problem. This pregnancy? Can't stand to even be around them! Unfortunately, the boys love them and suddenly took to throwing banana peels around the house. Super gross! Just the smell alone can send me over the edge...let alone having to touch one or clean up goo from one!)

Cucumbers (sickening! Still haven't been able to add them back into my diet. I've picked through salads and thrown out flavoured water to avoid them. Can't believe how disgusted I am by them)

Chocolate and other sweets (this cho-a-holic is in hiding. I've indulged a few times in sweet things, but often feel nauseous afterwards. Not normally a puking food, but I've also not indulged to avoid puking up deliciousness)

Peanut Butter (the smell is gross. Still to this day, I can't handle the smell. Of course the boys are on a peanut butter sandwich kick right now. Once, I accidentally licked my finger after preparing a sandwich and dry heaved over it.)

Crackers (don't matter the kind or flavour, I'm over you! So tired of eating you to "settle the stomach." You're gross. I'm not necessarily avoiding you, I'm just sick and tired of eating you.)

Water (for the first 5-7 weeks, I could barely drink a cup a day. And for a large water drinker like myself, that was unusual. I drank a lot of juice...and puked a lot of juice. But finally my need to drink water came back and I'm guzzling it up like a fish!)

Worst thing I puked (this time around): Upside down pizza. Oh the burn! Tomato sauce is the worst! It will be a long time (if ever) before I eat that again. Just looking at a container of leftovers in the freezer (and writing this) makes me want to hurl. Blech!

In those 8-10 LONG weeks of nauseausness, I have learnt to eat every 1.5-2 hours. Do you know what its like to eat that often when NOTHING tastes/looks good? Its awful. And when you see that food again in a matter of minutes? Gross. Just remember to take small bites. It comes back out easier that way.

I'm glad that the nauseausness has subsided. I'm gaining my energy back slowly. (I can actually make it all the way around Fishtrap without huffing and puffing and needing a nap to recover!)

I am grateful for the blessing of this baby. But I was definitely over the "blessing" of nausea. Now that the nausea is over, I can look forward to the jabs and kicks of this little one.

Sorrento

The first Saturday in July, we went on a day trip to Sorrento, BC to visit Dan's dad. Although his Dad lives in Alberta, he was in Sorrento for a special family camp. Since its only four hours from our place, we've made it a tradition to visit him yearly (much better than the 10-12 hours to Alberta)

The boys are FANTASTIC travelers. In the four hour trip up, they played with a doodle for five minutes, and read books for five minutes. That's it! The rest of the time they were looking out the windows spotting waterfalls and mountains (Micah) or trains and their ding-dingers (Joel).  We did stop multiple times for pee breaks (not to self: no Blue Moose smoothies on the trip or Joel will have to pee 3 times before Merritt!) But every stop was quick, and we made it there faster than we expected!

On the four hour trip home, Micah fell asleep about 10 minutes into the trip, mid sentence since neither boy had napped all day long. Joel took almost an hour, but was happy to look out the window at the trains. They only cried for less than five minutes, when Dan and I stopped at the old toll booth to use the bathroom. And that is only because the light in the van comes on and it was "too bright." As soon as we were on the road, silence ensued. 

We had a great time visiting Papa, Grammie and Uncle Eli. The weather was expected to be in the high thirties, but seemed much cooler due to the shade and lower than expected temperatures. (Yippee!) We did have one brief rain shower, but it only lasted through dinner time and allowed our bustling family, time to snuggle under a small tarp to enjoy our dinner together. We surprised the family with fresh blueberry pie complete with whipping cream! Needless to say, other than Joel's small sliver, none of the kids like blueberries, so the adults had to sacrifice themselves and eat a quarter of the pie each! (We were NOT taking that home with us! I don't think the men minded!)

We stayed an hour and half later than expected because we wanted to watch Eli do his hip-hop dance performance. It was well worth the wait. Plus the drumming beforehand had Joel and Micah in a trance. We enjoyed our time together. Its always neat to see the boys interact with Papa and Grammie. They certainly have a soft spot in their hearts for them, even though we rarely see them.

My favorite part of the day was sitting on the beach. Joel walks up to Papa, Dan and myself and says, "Maaamma....Daada, Ma, Da, no......PAPA!!! I want to walk in the water!" Papa jumps up and takes his opportunity to spend time with this grandson, walking along the shore listening to Joel chat about everything and anything. Such a sweet moment!

Our day ended when we pulled into our driveway, just before midnight. It was a long day, but so worth every second!

Papa, Grammie, Uncle Eli, we love you!

Good-bye Diclectin!

Hello allergies.

I am super excited that I am now finished with Diclectin!  About four weeks ago, I started slowing downing how many pills I took in a day. I got it down to five fairly quickly (from seven), and slowly over a couple days dropped more and more. I was on four for over a week, but eventually just forgot to take one. I did okay. I puked only once, but I realized that its my prenatal vitamins that cause it. Literally, within twenty minutes of taking one, it comes back out. Needless to say, I've stopped taking my prenatals (oops!). Before our vacation, I got it down to two pills a day. (Considering I didn't have enough to last me the entire trip if I took any more and I refused to buy more.) Plus, I was starting to feel better and know that somewhere between 14 and 16 weeks, the nausea subsides (aka, the start (14) and end (16 weeks) of our trip.)


The first couple days of our trip I forgot to take a pill. I felt fine. Just a bit nauseaus late at night (but maybe perhaps it had more to do with lack of food for hours than actual sickness). Within 3-4 days of the beginning of our two week trip, I had stopped taking Diclectin all together. A bit of nausea at times, but nothing that I couldn't handle. (haha..it was less nausea than I felt during those rough days of seven pills a day!)


But, what I did notice is my allergies started acting up. Oh wait! Could it be that Diceletin is one part anti-histamine??? Oh yes! Yes it is. So, needless to say, I've stopped one expensive pill for a slightly less expensive pill (oh allergy meds...how I loathe you and love you!)


But I'm not complaining. I think my allergies are bad because our vacation house is older and dustier than our place at home. I'll take a few sneezes over puking any day!

Survival Mode

We have been in survival mode around these parts. Being sick for 6 weeks, thus far, has rendered me incapacitated for many days. This means that our household has let things go that aren't of utmost importance.

We ensure that our kids are fed and (mostly) clean. The household tasks have taken their turn on the back burner. We do dishes and laundry on a regular basis. Occasionally, we sweep or mow the lawn. But those deep cleaning tasks have fallen by the way side. We only mop if the floor is sticky.  Vacuuming hasn't been done (not that we do it that often anyway, since we mostly have hardwood floors).  Dusting....well. It's only been done when it bugs me and I'm feeling up for an "extra" activity.

But those extra things, cleaning the fridge, dusting baseboards, wiping cupboards, clearing clutter, getting rid of dust bunnies, cleaning under couches, organizing toys....those things haven't been done. Our house doesn't look awful. Its just not as clean as I like it. But we've been in survival mode, so I don't care. (except for the fact that I had planned to do a deep clean before the Barkman's showed up. Sorry guys. It didn't happen.)

Last week our survival mode, turned into an extreme sport. I was stricken with the 24 hour flu. What I thought was an extreme case of morning sickness, turned into something much, much worse. Dan had left for work already, so it was just me and the boys. I could barely move. In the morning I got them snack traps full of cheerios and plunked myself on the couch. The boys watched ten whole minutes of a movie, before running off to cause trouble. The lids on the snack traps came off and cheerios were everywhere. But I was too sick to care. Didn't even ask the boys to clean it up, since I was too tired and sick. When Dan got home, I apologized for the cheerios all over the living room floor. Dan comes up the stairs and says, "What cheerios?" I guess the boys had their afternoon snack...of cheerios. They have great foraging skills.

The next day, I felt much better. The following day, I didn't even feel nauseous all day. We spent the day stripping and staining the deck, doing a little bit of cleaning (just the basics) and celebrating Deklan's first birthday. It felt amazing to get out and DO something.

Survival mode is tough. Especially for a clean freak. But I've learnt to let things go. I've sort of taken the mantra of the airplane breathing mask instructions. Take care of yourself first, then help your children. That way, everyone lives. The boys are really good about taking care of me and one another. I have never been worried about their survival....not even when I had the flu. Joel got out crackers and fed Micah. They kept giving me water to keep me hydrated.

Somehow in the last six weeks, we have survived. And sometimes, we have thrived. We are making it. One day at a time. And soon, we will look back at this (agonizingly long and slow) time as a distant memory. We will have survived.

$10.99

7 Diclectin a day, keeps the nausea at bay.

Eleven bucks. Thats how much it costs A DAY to keep the nausea away. At $1.57 a pill, its a small price to pay to keep "living." Without the pills, I'd be lying on the couch moaning and groaning, or over the toilet spilling my guts. Even with the meds, its still touch and go at times. But not nearly as bad as when the nausea first hit. And with two kids, I can't afford to be down and out.

So, somewhere in our limited budget, we have pulled the first two hundred dollars to pay for the first "months" worth. (a months worth is 4 pills a day or 120 pills, so my 7 a day habit is a smidge more than a months worth at 210 pills). Luckily, we were gifted another 60 pills, so not quite MY months worth. But we definitely appreciated the gift!

Hopefully the nausea will lessen quickly and not last my usual 8-10 weeks. Otherwise, we might need to rob a bank to pay for my "drug" habit.

A (slightly) small price to pay for such a precious gift.

RLS

Three nights of painful RLS (restless leg syndrome) symptoms. That's how I knew. Somewhere in my third night of suffering, when I was awake yet again dealing with the painful urge to move my legs, I turned to Dan and said, "I haven't suffered from restless leg syndrome this bad since I was pregnant with Micah."

*Lightbulb goes off*

Holy moley! I'm pregnant! Nah, that can't be true.

Now what did I take to make it better? Racking my brain, I figured out that Calcium/Magnesium was the ticket to relieving my restless legs. So the next morning, I took the kids and went to Shoppers for some meds. While I was there, I grabbed a pregnancy test. We did some running around and by the time I got home, I took the test. I didn't really think that I was pregnant. Normally, I would inform Dan of my decision to take "the test." But this time, I did it on a whim. That's how convinced I was that it would be negative.

So, I did my business and put the stick on the counter. When I glanced at it a few seconds later, I marvelled at how they had changed where the control line was. Hmmm...oh well. I waited a few more seconds for the grand reveal. Then I started that doing the look.  The one where you wonder if that line is really a line or just a figment of your imagination. If I turn it this way, I see a shadowish type of line, that could possibly be a line. (Can you tell that I've always had lines that were barely visible for all my pregnancies?) But this one. Oh this one. You remember how I mentioned that control line? Yep. That wasn't the control line. They hadn't changed where it was. That control line was the "you're pregnant" line. The control line was there. Yelling at me.

Holy Moley! There are two lines. I'm pregnant!

I freaked. I couldn't believe it. So many emotions flooded my system. Excitement. Fear. Disbelief. Nervousness. Happiness. I really didn't know what to think.

So I shifted my attention on making a "big reveal" to Dan. I knew I needed to act normally. Focus on him. Ask him about his day. Tell him about your mechanic trip. Basic ordinary things that we do everyday. Then, when I could stand it no longer, I told Dan that I got him something. He was excited, wondering what I could have possibly picked up for him during my busy day. In a nice, empty box of chocolates that we keep around for gift giving, I had placed my pregnancy test. So I handed him the box. He spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to open it. Literally it was 2 seconds, but I was so excited that I "helped" him get it open.

His response: shock! Are you kidding me? What does this mean? Two lines? That's pregnant! Oh my goodness!

Once the shock wore off, happiness ensued. Then fear. Then more shock. We had a fun evening chatting about all our emotions and sharing the joy of this little life.

Mother's Day

This Mother's Day was a particularily emotional one for me.

I was grateful for my two precious little boys. Happy to see their smiling faces deliver hand made cards (one a day early since the big one couldn't contain his excitement). I marvel at how they have grown up and am facinated by their knowledge. I felt cherished as Dan tried to explain to them what today was all about. It was a relaxing time with my boys, spent at church and at the beach.

But it was also a sad day. Today I remember Judah. I remember and mourn his loss. I should be 7, almost 8 months pregnant. My body should be uncomfortable, but instead it was my heart. I am sad about what should be, but try to focus on what is.

Today I remember that I am holding a little blessing. Unknown to many, but a few chosen friends and family. Today I cherish the little life that I am growing. Today I am six weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. Today, as I fend off nausea and fear, I cherish my little blessing. My emotions are wild. I am excited to be pregnant. I am fearful that just that one little twinge may be the end of this pregnancy. I fear that when I feel healthy, that I have lost another child. I rejoice and am disgusted when I feel nauseaus.

Today my emotions are all over the place. I am happy for the family I have. I mourn over the child I have lost. I am excited, scared and filled with hope over the life that is to come. Today is MOther's Day. A day to celebrate all sorts of Mothers. Mothers that are, and are yet to be. Mothers with their arms full and Mother's longing for a child. Mothers by a traditional sense and mothers by other means. 

Today I longed for the Mother's Day of old. The days when I didn't realize the heartbreak of motherhood. The longing for a child. That there was a difference between a mother and a spiritual mother. I miss the simplity. That pretty much everyone older than me was a mother. Today, I wish that every woman (and man) would realize their importance. That whether we have children of our own or not, we are all responsible for raising these children. We are all intrusted to be ambassators of these children. Raising my two boys has made me realize that I need all the help I can get. I need a different perspective on life from other people. I cannot do this on my own. I need community. These boys need community.

So today, to everyone out there: Thank you. Thank you for being present in our lives. For encouraging us, challenging us, caring for us, celebrating with us and mourning with us. Our lives have been touched by your generosity and your spirits.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love Amanda, Dan, Joel, Micah, Judah and Baby #4

Micah turns 2!

Today, with a small gathering of friends, we celebrated Micah's second birthday.

Micah's request: a sea star cake!

We had a wonderful time celebrating Micah's life. Micah had a great time playing with friends and eating cake (including his friend's piece!)

Micah, you are a character. You constantly keep us laughing at the silly things you do. The way you make your food "rain" or fly into your mouth with this silly grin. You have been nicknamed The Garburator, since we can almost always find you at the table finishing off your meal (or someone else's) long after everyone else has left the table.  You definitely love food! Sometimes we even find you chewing on table scraps that we haven't had a chance to clean up! Silly boy!

You have been an the easiest child and the hardest child to parent. You are super easy going and I will often find you reading books or playing by yourself.  You can entertain yourself for hours with simple items and I don't often worry about you getting into things. But boy oh boy, have you been a challenge. I think it will be a long time before we forget how you woke us up every 45 minutes for three and half months! Your sleep has improved drastically and we can regularly put you in bed, sing a song and walk out the door. But when you are off, you are off. Hours of tears or crying out for mommy and daddy. You are only snugly when you aren't feeling well, which has been quite often. My poor boy, you have spent more than half of your life with a cold or teething pains. I don't really know what its like to have you without snot dripping out of your nose. You are not a fan of teething, and you like the whole world to know it! I can't blame you though. You are like your momma. You have a low tolerance for everyday pain, but when the big injuries happen, you handle it like a trooper. In your two years of life, you have been to the ER twice and for an emergency dental trip once.  This has resulted in numerous stitches in your finger, a lost front tooth and a nice scar in your chin.

You look up to your brother Joel. You imitate him regularly, which is super cute. Unless its doing something naughty! Joel loves to let you out of your bed in the morning, and you are always happy to see him. I often find the two of you playing nicely together, holding hands, going off on an adventure. But you are a little spitfire and certainly have a set of lungs to prove it! When things don't go your way or toys are taken from you, we certainly can hear your screaming about it! Hopefully, when you learn a few more words, you'll be able to communicate a little differently.

You are talking more and more everyday. You certainly surprise me with the words that you know, although I should have know that your vocabulary would be immense since you copy everything that Joel says and does. I love that you can identify the plants around the lake like buttercups and bleeding hearts. But sometimes its hard to understand what you are saying since you often drop the first one or two syllables of words! "uttercup" "eeding art!"

I can't wait to see the boy that you are becoming and to see your interests develop. Your brain works so differently than your brothers, and I can't wait to see all the things that you come up with. You have an eye for how things work, and I'm excited to see your engineering skills at work. I can't wait for your words and stories to become clearer and answer all your "why" questions. (or to see how Joel answers your questions!) I'm excited to see how you will transition into your role as Big Brother. You are so tenderhearted and love to help out, and I am excited to see how you react to the new baby.

Micah, you are a welcomed addition to our family. We love you and can't wait to see who your turn into!

Coming January 2015

Baby McCrimmon #4

9 weeks 4 days old

We saw and heard this baby's little heartbeat today.

There is no sweeter sound to this momma's ears.

Alive and well!

We are overjoyed!

Easter Reflections

47 days. That's how long the season of Lent is.

As a family, we spent 47 days doing two of the most incredible things to prepare our hearts for Easter.

The first was to draw a name of a person, family or place and to pray for them. We would place their name on a flower and glue it to the cross in our dining room. One of the most incredible sights was to see the cross "beautify" as Easter approached. This was by far, Joel's favorite activity. Often we would sit down for dinner, hold hands in anticipation of our nightly prayer, only to have Joel remind us that we forgot to pull a name to put on the cross. We would always stop, pull the name, pray for the person(s) and put their flower on the cross. It was a beautiful time of reflection.

It was a way for us to pray for people that we love but don't often pray for. It was neat to see how certain names were pulled on days that a certain family needed prayer (God's providence perhaps?).

It caused me to pause throughout the day, say a quick prayer for a name that caught my eye, or the name we pulled for that day, before I continued on with my daily activities.

It helped Joel be mindful of others. He would pray for the "person of the day" during his nightly prayers. Or caused him to ask about who that person is (eg. friends from afar that he hasn't met) and what their needs are.

Joel would play a game where he would ask, "Where's ______?" Inevitably, he knew exactly where their name was on the cross, but would have us guess anyway.  Often, this game would cause us to remember people whom we'd already prayed for and pray for them again.

Sometimes, Joel would ask to pray for a certain person. Inevitably, he would always pull that person's name out. Every. Single. Time.

The second thing we did over the Lenten season, was an activity a day. It could be as basic as reading an Easter story, or a complex craft. The point was to introduce the Easter story to the boys and help them learn the basic points of the story.

I hate to admit it, but we definitely read an Easter story more often than I would have liked. But I went into this season with Grace, because life happens. Needless to say, Joel has the Easter story book memorized. He would recite the book, word for word, to us.

But when we did do activities, they were amazing. We painted, glued, coloured and reenacted. One of my favorite memories, was making palm branches with Joel, Micah and their friend Anaya. We used their hand prints to make palm branches attached to Popsicle sticks. We sang Hosanna, while parading around the house waving our palm branches. We then sat down to reenact it with our play animals. With our palm branches on the ground, we added a leopard as our donkey. A Kleenex was added to the leopard's back, to act as cloaks.  A rubber duck, took the place of Jesus, and various other animals played the crowd. The duck (Jesus) kept falling off the leopard (donkey), so Joel made the duck walk alongside the leopard. We sang Hosanna the entire time. It was such a blessed time for me.

Actually, the reenactments were definitely the highlight for me. We participated in our own version of Resurrection eggs. Twelve eggs, each filled with a symbol of Easter. A leaf, representing the palm branches and the Triumphant entry. Some dice that represented the casting of lots for Jesus' clothes. A cracker representing Christ's body during the Last supper. By far, the best one for me was the three nails. I had the kids take a nail each (luckily, we had a friend for this activity) and poke it into the palm of their hand. "Pointy! Sharp! Ow!" were the words I heard from their mouths. Same when we held a bramble bush  representing the crown of thorns. I asked them to imagine the "crown of thorns" in their head. "I don't like it. That's not very nice. Ow!" Those were the responses the kids gave me. For some reason, this activity really made the story come alive for me. So often, I think, we gloss over the cruelness of Jesus' death. It was awful. But those little tastes of pain were enough to symbolize the agony that Christ went through for us.

We reenacted the washing of the disciples feet, with each one of us taking turns to wash another family members feet. We had the Last supper, complete with pita bread and juice. Humbling times and a great time of conversation with the little boys. Could you imagine your best friend, selling you out for money? Could you imagine washing your friends dirty feet? Ones that had spent all day in the dirt?

The conversations, the crafts, the reenactments, the story readings all contributed to a wonderful Easter for us. Our focus was on Christ and his story. 47 days of prayer. 40 days of activities. 1 Blessed event. Numerous great memories.