Parenting, Inc.

I picked up this book at the library the other day entitled: Parenting, Inc.: How we are sold on $800 strollers, fetal education, baby sign language, sleeping coaches, toddler couture, and diaper wipe warmers-and what it means for our children by Pamela Paul. It was a fascinating read (Dan just started and is at least half way through). The basic premise of the book is that most of what we spend on children and the way we view our interactions with them is largely based on material things and the "need" for education at an early age (prenatal-it doesn't get any earlier than that!).
Something we have noticed as a couple, is that children these days have EVERYTHING! There are books, videos, magnets, games that try to teach our children their ABC's and 123's at an earlier and earlier age. And a lot of this gear is marketed to the parents, claiming education or safety that doesn't necessarily exist. Can a DVD really teach your 6 month old to read? Or do we really need a monitor that tells you if your baby has not moved for more than 20 seconds in their crib in order to prevent SIDS? Or do we need that special toy that's meant to stimulate your infants eyes? Aren't we just setting ourselves up for a society that is burnt-out, over stimulated, or bored from lack of stimulation or ability to entertain themselves?
We, as a society, have way too much gear for children. One trip to a Babies R Us is enough to leave a person overwhelmed or running out the door screaming for back-up. What is it that we really need for our kids? Society screams that basic food, shelter and clothing isn't enough. We need to have more. Our kids need education from before the moment they are born? We are inundated with messages that we need stuff. And parents are a multi-billion dollar business. We are told that we need to educate our kids with the latest and greatest gadgets. DVD's that will teach our children fine motor skills, classes that are meant to further our children futures, and equipment that is there to aid our child's sitting/walking/talking skills. "Many parents indulge in products that are not just unnecessary for young children; they are products that inadvertently instill qualities those same parents say they want to avoid: materialism and superficiality. Materialism saps children of the resourcefulness and independence most parents want to cultivate in their kids.(page 213)." We have also replaced the need for family wisdom, with sleep coaches, doulas and parenting classes.We have lost our need for community; for meeting with other parents to discuss issues. There no longer is the spontaneous coffee drop-bys or meeting at the neighbourhood playground, but these have been replaced with scheduled meetings, scheduled play dates and any number of parenting classes. We have also neglected to take initiative in teaching our children the basics of learning. The ABCs are now taught by machines, DVDs or toys that make an abundance of noise. "The research shows that your child is going to be better at math and the ABCs if you play with them....they will be better at school and at life (page 169)."
Reading this book has caused Dan and I to once again challenge our views of parenting. What qualities do we want to instill in our children? We would love our children to live similar lives to what we grew up as. Limited toys that we valued, independent play, attachment to our parents, memories by experience, value of money, valuing friends for who they are and not what they own, education through imaginative play and communication with parents. It surprises me that quite often when we talk about our childhood amongst friends that favourite toys are brought up. Did you own the baby that peed in the potty? No! But I always wanted one, and the girl down the street had one. When I look back, I don't think I ever owned any of the popular toys, but I did have garage sale specials, hand-me downs, thrift store finds and an imagination that took care of the rest. I wasn't an unhappy or deprived child. I was quite happy and I didn't have very many toys. (In fact, I think I own more toys now, than I did as a child!) But for some reason today, parents equate things with happiness. And the more things our children have, the happier they will be. At the end of the day, our children will grow into what we shape them to be. As a couple, we see the model that society has given us and we don't want to raise our children up that way. Studies show that children with excess stuff, grow up to be impatient, "less satisfied with their lives, less happy, experience fewer positive emotions, report more depression, anxiety and alcohol use, and are considerably more narcissistic. They are also less cooperative, less likely to engage in positive social behaviours like sharing and helping and more likely to engage in petty theft. They are also more manipulative-children as much so as adults. (page 216)."
"Parents can take solace in the fact that rather than require thousands of dollars' worth of baby paraphernalia, their child needs only the most fundamental of parental activities: holding, singing, dancing, conversation and playing outdoors. With a priceless return on investment (page 218)." We hope that we can avoid falling into the trap that society has set out for us. We want to be assured that our children will not depend on money or things to bring them happiness, but rather they will find solace in intimate relationship, contentment with what they have and creativity and perseverance to deal with the hardships they will face.