Call Centers from Hell

So, our Kodak printer went on the fritz two days ago. Well, actually, it died. It refused to turn on after a few problems with the paper catching and printing. We looked online to fix the problem, followed the steps and nothing. This printer refused to turn on. ahhhh! So, the dreaded call to the call center in some foreign country. After being disconnected 4 times, I finally got through to the right area. "Your estimated wait time is 5 minutes." Okay! Not bad. Then, the inevitable elevator music started, interrupted every 30 seconds with the same 4 advertisements advertising their website help center (oh so helpful!!!). Five minutes passes and I get the message, "Your estimated wait time is 10 minutes." WHAT?!! I just waited five minutes! Now I have to wait longer? Honestly, sometimes these call centers do it to themselves. They make us wait longer than any normal human being should wait to talk to another human, aggravating us. No wonder people loose their cools while talking with the call center. Any way, another five minutes has passed and I get the message, "The next available service representative will take you call!" YAH!!! Then a few minutes pass and I get the message, "Your estimated wait time is 15 minutes!" Okay, now I'm going crazy! Finally, I get to talk to another human being...who barely speaks my language. On top of that, the phone system is terrible and I can barely hear them speak. Great!
Then the inevitable information exchange happens. You know, where you have to tell them your name, phone number, email address, address, security code, birth date and the length of your right arm. All the while having to spell out each letter with the "H as in Hotel" mode of information exchange. Then finally you get to tell them about why you are calling.
A: My printer won't turn on. I've tried the information on the web page and its still not working. The web told me that it can't be fixed and I need to call you guys.
TC(Tech center): Unplug the AC Adapter
A; uh...I've already tried that.
TC: Please remove the AC Adapter from the back of the printer.
A: Fine, but it doesn't work. We've tried. Okay, its unplugged.
TC: Now wait 30 seconds before...
A: Plugging it back in. I know. And then wait thirty seconds after plugging it back in before pressing the on button. I know. I've tried and it doesn't work.
(i humour the guy and do what he asks)
A: Nothing.
TC: Can you try a different outlet.
A: What good will that do. I get some lights on, but not the on/off light. A new outlet won't change that.
TC: Can you please try plugging it into a different outlet.
A: Okay. Nothing (I didn't move...I'm not stupid. A new outlet would change anything).
TC: Okay, then. Your printer is shot. You'll have to get a new one. Where and when did you purchase the printer.
A: It was gift and we got it last Christmas.
TC: So where was it purchased?
A: IT WAS A GIFT!
TC: Do you know where it was purchased?
A: NO! It was a gift.
TC: Okay. Then what I will need you to do, is send in a proof of purchase....
A: It was a GIFT. I have no proof of purchase. (can you sense my aggravation growing?)
TC: Well, do you think you could call up whoever gave it to you and get it from them.
A: Hmmm...NO!
By this time, I've lost my cool. I'm done talking to someone who doesn't understand what the word gift implies. Basically, after explaining what the word gift implies, he told me that there was nothing he could do for me. Knowing that I was under warranty still, I knew he had to replace the printer. So, I asked to speak to his supervisor.
TC: I'm sorry, there is no supervisor and nothing he can do for you. (hello, contradictory statement).
A: I would like to talk with your supervisor or manager please.
This conversation goes on for a while, until I ask him for another number to call so that I can talk with someone who will help me. He gives me the number for the tech center, which I currently am calling, to talk with him. I tell him I didn't want to talk with another person from the tech center. I want to talk with someone who can help me. He finally gives me the number for someone in Canada. the man on the other end of the Canadian line is understanding and promises to send me a new printer. Yah!

Now we start with a new day and a new attitude. I am surprised to receive my new printer in the afternoon. The delivery man says he took it off the plane an hour ago. Talk about service! (just a note..the service is good from DHL..NOT KODAK!) Anyway, I unpack my new printer to find a COMPLETELY different model. It doesn't look as nice and I'm worried that the cords aren't going to fit. Anyway, I call Kodak to sort this all out. And the aggravation starts again!
Once again I am forced to spell out my email address in the "H as in Hotel" form of communication. I got so frustrated that when I got to C it turned into "C as in Can you spell that?" I was tempted to turn "I into Idiot" but I refrained myself.
Then, I was put on hold so that he could look over my records. The elevator music began and in the background, I hear a strikingly familiar voice-my own! He was listening to the conversation I had with the other tech center man from yesterday. (Did I mention that I was quite forceful in my insistence to talk with a supervisor?) It was like reliving the pain from yesterday all over again! AWFUL! Once he was done listening to my conversation from yesterday (you know, recorded for quality assurance), he came back to talk with me.
Unfortunately, there was no record of my call with the nice man in Canada, so I had to explain to the man that I received the wrong printer. He assured me that this model is better since it has WiFi and more features. I wasn't going to fight with him. I'm so done talking with tech center people. I then proceeded to have to have to ask him for printer ink (the Canadian was supposed to send me a few), since there was none in my package and the brand new ink cartridges were full and stuck in my old printer. He told me that he could only send me one. Not a few. This makes me mad, but I'll let it go. But he offers me paper instead. I'll take what I can get.
Then I have to ask for a new printer head. The tech man tells me that he can't send that to me, since I should just use the old one. I tell him that I can't turn on my old printer, so he would need to send me a new one. He tells me that he will have to charge me for it. I refuse to pay and insist that he send me a new one.
Then there was the whole issue with my "case id number." That statement is apparently hard to say in his native language, coupled with the fact that his phone kept cutting out and he was hard to hear due to the lack of volume on his end. At the end of it all, we got things figured out. Probably until the next package arrives and I have to go through this all again.
Somewhere in the midst of all of this, I figured out that hell is probably being permanently stuck talking to someone in a call center.
Have I ever mentioned that I hate call centers? (its no wonder people just go out and buy a new item rather than use their warranty to replace the item).