Disfunctional Family Christmas

There is a lot of pressure at this time of year. Between shopping for the perfect gift, numerous family gatherings, Christmas Concerts, decorating the house, baking cookies, wrapping gifts and regular household duties, there lies the pressure to create the "perfect" Christmas. You know the one; full of happy faces, perfect meals, peaceful interactions-straight from the Hollywood movies. Somehow we assume that just because its Christmas, family interactions will somehow change, our finances will miraculously be fixed, people will cooperate, and the house will be decorated without any complaints or arguments. But often there is a chasm between our dreams and reality.
I remember for so many years, I dreamed of having that perfect family Christmas. But my reality was that my dad would watch TV until my mom told him firmly that it was time to start opening presents. This would begin the annual Christmas Eve argument, until one of them finally won out. Then, in a tension filled room, we would open our gifts and disperse as quickly as possible, only meeting in the kitchen to fill our plates with appetizers before heading to our own separate directions.
Then, our family dynamics changed when my parents separated. The second year after their divorce, I was working at the youth center, being somewhat bah hum bug about the upcoming holiday festivities when Al McLean, my supervisor advised the volunteers during our pre-meeting and prayer time that this time of year was often difficult for the youth. It wasn't always a happy time of year due to family difficulties or financial troubles. Dysfunctional families were often MORE problematic due to the stresses and pressure of the holiday season.
Somehow, knowing this, freed me from the dream of the perfect Christmas. That year, I decided I was going to enjoy my dysfunctional family Christmas. Here is an excerpt from my journal that year:
"Here's the scene: Owen is screaming and crying, ready to puke up anything that comes his way. Sarah is frustrated with Owen's crying and looks so dead monkey and ready to fall over at any time because she has the flu. Jon begs anyone with legs to get him shrimp and croquettes. Grandma babbles on and on about who knows what, and Mom rolls her eyes frustrated. Rachel is half naked, trying on every new outfit she got, including her princess attire. James has his paws clinging to my box of chocolates and we have a tug of war until I finally let him win, only to distract him with a toy and steal them back a few seconds later. Dan is sitting back, laughing at the hilarity of the situation and enjoying his first Christmas with my family. Aside from fighting with James for my chocolates, I just laugh. And Smile. I like dysfunctional family Christmas. Its everyone's personalities shining through. When we are dysfunctional, we get to be ourselves. No pretending to be nice, or acting perfect. Just being who we are and accepting each other for their quirks. That's dysfunctional family Christmas, and a perfect one at that." (2005)

Every year since I changed my perspective about Christmas, has been interesting. They all have had something go wrong (goodness knows, we have the 12 days of Christmas to celebrate, something is bound to go wrong). But along with changing my perspective, I've also changed my focus. Now Jesus has become focal, and all the rest can be what it may.

When I first started dating Dan (almost 4 years ago), I made him a deal that I would get to be bah hum bug one year and I would try my best to be happy the next. But he has been lucky. He has yet to suffer a bah hum bug year, except maybe that first year. We choose to celebrate Christmas, with all its dysfunctionalities, and let it be what it is: Christmas.

April did a sermon this week about discouragement. As she introduced her sermon, she relayed how she had been asked to talk about discouragement way back in September, but saved it for this week. She found it fitting to start the Advent season with a sermon on discouragement, as that is often a part of people's mindset at this time of year. While I was listening, I relayed it back to my dysfunctional family Christmas. Then I went a step further and realized that the whole Christmas story isn't all about peace and happiness. Its about struggling and feeling discouraged. I think Joseph found it a struggle to find a place to stay and discouraged when all he was offered was a stable. Didn't all those people know his wife was about to give birth to the Chosen One? And I'm sure Mary didn't find it peaceful giving birth to Jesus (just ask any woman about childbirth!) I find the entire story saturated with dysfunctionalities, lack of peace, frustrations and discouragement. Perhaps, we've injected our need for peace and happiness into the story (don't get me wrong, I know its there), but we have forgotten that its also full of dysfunctionalities.

This Christmas season, lets just enjoy the craziness. Forget that impossible dream of the "perfect" Christmas. Let's trust God and embrace the dysfunctionalities.