Ebbs and Flow

I feel as though as a parent, there are times of ebb and flow. Seasons that change as your child grow. Sometimes, you sail through life and parenting is easy and enjoyable. Other times, every day is filled with challenging parenting moments and you wish you could fast forward a few months.

We are in a season of challenge. I know that in a month or two, it will change back into a season of enjoyment. But seasons of challenge are well...challenging. And when you have a spirited child, they are even more challenging.

Currently, every demand is met with a challenge, or a negotiation. "Put on your shoes" can take 15 minutes. Sometimes we are met with a negotiation or downright defiance. Even when we implement the warning system (five minutes till we put on our shoes!), we are still met with defiance. Its extremely exhausting. We have to be creative at times to get things done or to have obedience. We are tired.

We know that one of our children works at their own pace. He goes against the flow and toots his own horn. We love him for his creativity and the observations that he makes. But sometimes, we just wish that we could focus his creativity on the task at hand. We've often joked that dinner time would go much faster and probably be more enjoyable for us if we could seclude him in a black box. A bug, the wind, his brother, creativity are all distractions. Sometimes a crab or lobster (his hand) will come to the table with us but we can never get the crab or lobster to take a bite. Its frustrating to all of us.

The hardest part (right now) is the defiance. A simple request can warrant a tantrum, negotiations, manipulations or defiance. Almost every single time!  We often hear the words "....and that's why I can't do it." This phrase is usually proceeded by some creative excuse. The toys are in the way. My animals wanted to (insert excuse).  I need to (excuse here). Seriously kid! Just put on your dang shoes! Or get dressed! Or pick up your toys! Or stay in your bed! Or get in the van! Or stop colouring on the table!

Every transition during the day is rough. Sometimes, we feel as though we need a few more tools in our parenting toolbox in order to parent this child. We do our best with what we know, but sometimes during these seasons of challenge, we feel inadequate.

But often, before we are consumed by our inadequacies, we either gain more skills to cope or we flow into a season of enjoyment. We know we are doing our best. But sometime during these seasons of challenge, we feel overwhelmed. We are exhausted. We are tired of negotiating.

My mom gave us a comic strip, Grand Avenue, that we put on our fridge that perfectly describes our life.

The Grandma (the caregiver) is telling the child, "Why am I always negotiating with you? I'm the adult-I make the rules. Yet every time I ask you to do something, you start in with bargaining and haggling. So you're going to be punished. March straight up to your room."

Child: "Can I skip instead?"

It makes me laugh. But when you deal with it in reality, its not as funny. But its our life. And our child. We don't get to have it any other way. Not even if we try negotiating our way out of it.

One of those days...

You know its going to be "one of those days" when...
...you're the first in line at Starbucks, waiting for the store to open and you've already been awake for over an hour
...you tell the barista that you want the really big one, with pumpkin, that's cold because you forgot the words, venti pumpkin spice frappacino
...your eldest child's first proclamation of the day is, "Today, I'm going to be disobedient!" and proceeds to follow through with it.
...the only words you hear out of your toddler all morning involve whining, crying and basic gibberish, none of which you understand therefore leading to excessive meltdowns and more tears
...its 10:30am and you've already changed 4 poopy diapers (3 more to follow), all belonging to one child
...to correspond with the excessive poop, there is snot everywhere. All you do is wipe, praying that this will be a mild cold and that it will be gone by the weekend
...naps only last one and a half hours. You would think that after being awake at 4:50AM that they would sleep a little longer.

After naps, things start to look up. I baked pumpkin cinnamon rolls, and prepped the dough for nutella stuffed cookies with the boys. Dan came home earlier than expected. We had a really nice afternoon (minus disobedient child and his stance on obedience today) and the kids were in bed early. (They didn't stay in bed and it took 1.5 hours to get them to calm down enough to go to sleep, but at least they were asleep before 8pm. Plus, they slept in until 6:20am the next morning!)

Thank goodness for coffee!!!

We love our neighbours

This reads: To our favorite neighbors. Please enjoy this foreign chocolate from Switzerland. This was a gift from Simon's boss. Thank you. From Harry and Simon. 

 We found this stuffed in our mailbox at the end of June. It was gift from the two boys who live beside us. They are super sweet young men who always take time to give us a wave or chat with our boys. Two days before we received this in the mailbox, they brought over leftover birthday cake from Simon's birthday to share with us. We truly have been blessed to be in this neighborhood.  People look after one another and care for each other.

When a different neighbour lost her husband suddenly, there was no shortage of neighbours bringing over food and condolences. Every night, we watched neighbour after neighbour bring over dinner for her to eat. We actually had to wait a few nights before there was an opening for our family to bring over dinner! But watching this all unfold was a blessing to my heart as well. We realized that our neighbours are important people who care for one another and look after one another. Still to this day, we watch as neighbours stop by to chat with her or take the time to look at pictures of her husband. She has expressed to me how much this means to her.

Our neighbours are awesome. In the words of Joel, "they make my heart sing!"

We're a weird family

Yep. Not only did we make jam while on vacation, we also foraged for huckleberries, and a few blackberries, at a rest stop. It didn't take us long and we had a snack trap full of them. We didn't get very far down the highway and they were gone. A delicious and nutritious snack...especially since taking fresh fruit over the border is a no-no. 

Lessons and Reflections from Seaside, Oregon

1. Dan and I are water snobs. Yep, its true. We have some of the best water in North America. So when we end up in another city, we really and truly miss water from our homeland. There is something about chlorinated water that makes us want to vomit....or at least drink less of it. When we found a roadside natural water spring, we dumped out our chlorinated water in favor of something a little more pure. It still wasn't the greatest tasting water, but it was much better than what we were drinking.

2. When people ask me what the best part of my vacation was, it wasn't anything we did. It was what I didn't do. For two whole weeks, I didn't change a poopy diaper (I think I only changed two diapers the whole entire time). For me, THAT was my vacation. A vacation from the every day, mundane tasks that fill my day. The other thing that filled my soul with joy? Not having to change the toilet paper roll. Being the only woman, and the one who uses the majority of toilet paper in the house (thank you pregnancy for upping the daily quota), this was a welcome break. Sometimes its the little things that make the biggest difference. Yes, I did enjoy the beach and all the fun we had, but those two things made me genuinely happy!

3. I hate city driving. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I am not a city person. One way streets, heavy traffic, stop and go, no parking....those are the things that make me nutty. A lot of people we know love Portland. I, on the other hand, didn't have the greatest experience. I don't enjoy trying to find my way in heavy traffic. Or having to drive twelve city blocks out of my way, to make the left hand turn that I couldn't make twelve streets ago, to right myself back into the correct direction of travel, so that I could go ONE city block further to our destination to pick up the husband I had dropped off since there was absolutely no parking for BLOCKS!!! P.S. I ended up taking a few rights instead, since the "no lefts" went on and on. And all of this could have been avoided if the parking lot wasn't a one way only! But the upside? Those donuts (VooDoo Donuts) were well worth it?! Needless to say, not a city girl! But I already knew that since I'm not a fan of Vancouver traffic either.

4. Fourteen days is too long of a vacation for me. Seven is too short. Ten leaves me wanting a little more. Probably 10-12 days is the ideal length for me. But ask me again when the kids are older and I'm not preggo. This may change!

5. Staying in a vacation rental house is perfect. Having my own laundry (and coming home with clean clothes) is ideal. Cooking our own meals saves a ton of money and rids the kids of the chicken strip/french fry meal overload. Our best idea: bringing our crockpot. We were able to prep a meal during nap time, set it and head out to the beach. When we got home, dinner was ready! This saved us from having to come home early to make dinner or having grouchy children while we prepped it. The second best luxury item we brought? Our handheld shower head.  Best decision ever! It heightened the shower so Dan and I didn't have to crane ourselves in awkward positions to rinse out shampoo, as well as allowed us to shower the kid's feet off without having to soak them with the shower or explain why we aren't having a bath yet again! So luxurious and wonderful! Like I said before, sometimes its the simple things that bring us joy!

Seaside, Oregon

For two glorious weeks, our family, along with my mother, had the privilege of going to Seaside, Oregon. We spent hours on the beach, enjoying the waves as well as seeing the local sights.

Little crabby

Micah enjoying the sand. His face was just a little bit covered in sand, until I said, "Why don't you just rub sand all over your face and hair?" He took me seriously.

Munson Creek Falls: an unexpected stop on our trip. Literally, we saw a sign for the falls on the side of the road and just decided to go down the road until we found the falls. It was less than 2km from the highway and a nice short walk from the parking lot. Plus, they were beautiful falls. The only downside is that the downed tree in front of us was the end of the trail and as close as we could get to the falls. The trail had closed due to all the downed trees and debris.

A highlight of our trip: riding the stream train. The boys absolutely LOVED it. It was a half hour trip each way with a half hour layover in the middle. It was the right length and absolutely gorgeous scenery.

Young River Falls: beautiful stop and a nice place to play in the river.

The view from the Astoria Tower. We threw little balsam airplanes off the top and watched them sail away. We also did a hike for the first time to the Cathedral tree (another unexpected trip). It was a little longer of a hike than expected, but the boys did great considering it was snack time and a lot of uphill. I, on the other hand, complained the whole way. Never let a pregnant lady, just recently over morning sickness, miss snack time and then expect her to walk uphill for a few kilometers.

The boys at the beach, chasing seagulls

Playing in the waves

Digging a whole to the Philippines so that the boys can visit Cody and Makai. Apparently it will take 10 hours, according to Joel. The hole got so deep that Joel built stairs so he can touch the bottom.

Goofing off at the beach

Love Micah's face as the waves splash up. This little guy loves the water!

Joel showing his bravery as he plays in the waves. This boy was fearful of the water, but occasionally was brave enough to venture out by himself.

Salal Berries

Joel LOVES salal berries. So much so, that earlier this spring, we planted a bush in the backyard. While on vacation, Joel got his fill, eating his way down the promenade every night.

While we were picking them, people would stop us and ask what type of berry it was. We would stop and talk with them, educating them about Salal berries. Joel would always stop, hold out a berry and offer the stranger one. He would also tell them that "they have to be black. Then they are ripe!"

Unfortunately, they stain fairly easily. So Joel's tongue was purple!!

While in Seaside, we picked a few for consumption. Okay! Who am I kidding??? We picked them and made JAM!

Yep! We are the crazy people who make JAM while on holidays! It is delicious. Plus, we got to take 5 buckets of Jam home. Productive, relaxing and delicious! That's my kind of vacation!

Micah and Joel: Songs in our house

Micah: I was singing "Be still and know that I am God" to Micah a few nights ago. All of a sudden, he starts saying Irmgard! Irmgard! I was so confused until I realized that he meant, "Be still and know that Irmgard." (Can you tell that he loves Irmgard?)

Joel: Every night I ask Joel what song he wants me to sing before nap and bed. His answer is always the same. "The one that Angelika sang at church." So for 8 solid weeks, we sang, "I have decided to follow Jesus," TWO times!  Twice a day, every day, for eight weeks. (Because you know, we sang it TWICE at church and it has to be the EXACT same.) Well, finally Angelika is back from vacation and led worship last week. He's finally changed the song (thank-you!) to "Be still and know." Now we have to sing ALL the verses every night before bed (good thing I could only remember two verses!?). Any chance you're on worship team soon Angelika? We need to add a few new songs to our repertoire! That boy loves it when you sing. Heck, he just loves you!

Fear and anxiety

This pregnancy has been marred by the past. I feel a lot of anxiety and fear. A previous miscarriage will do that.

Most days, I feel fine. Normal perhaps. Or at least ignoring the pregnancy as much as I can, going about my normal daily life.  I don't want to get too close. I don't want to bond with the baby. I'm too scared. So I just try and push it all aside.

This is the latest I have felt a baby move in all my pregnancies. Or at least, I think its the baby moving. I second-guess it all the time. It could just be gas or digestion, right? Its still the slightest movement, or what I think could be slight movements. Its hard to tell at this point. By this time with both the boys, I was no longer feeling the flutters, but full out kicking.

A week or two before an appointment, I feel riddled with fear. I wonder if there will be a heartbeat. I wonder if this baby will "make it." I wonder if I will need to go through the sadness again. I don't want to loose this baby. But that is my greatest fear.

Today my anxiety was high. I had my 18 week midwife appointment. Another time to hear that little ones heartbeat. (We've heard it twice before, at our dating ultrasound and during my 12 week appointment). But this time, I felt more anxiety than before. Perhaps because I am further along than before. Or perhaps because of anxious thoughts that have plagued me this past week. I went in anxious, yet tried hard to hide it. I just feared that this would be the day I would hear that this baby was no longer.

We proceeded with our regular appointment, a physical of sorts. Until the moment of truth came. It was time to hear the heartbeat. The experienced midwife put the doppler to my belly and nothing. No sounds of movement. No heartbeat. She continues to move it around to no avail. She reassures me that she hears my uterine arteries which means there is a baby. But that brings no reassurance to my aching heart. I wonder if the baby has no heartbeat and has died. I pray, God please let us hear this baby's heart. She continues to search for the baby. Nothing. Minutes tick by. I try to reassure her and myself as well. "It took a long time to find Joel's heartbeat" I didn't mention out loud that he was moving the entire time and we literally had to pin him down to hear his little heart.  All I can think is that this baby is gone. I still pray. We hear more uterine arteries. The midwife tries more positions, places where she doesn't think a baby should be. Still nothing. Fear and anxiety are creeping in. I'm doing all I can to hold in the tears. Seconds continue to tick by. Then, all of a sudden, I hear the faint whop, whop, whop of a baby. Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed with relief. Joy. Praise! I try not to cry, merely so that the doppler won't loose the heartbeat and pick up on my sobs. 152 beats per minute.

There is something about this heartbeat that brings me to tears every single time. I'm overwhelmed hearing this little baby, alive and well. The midwife comments that this baby is a mover and shaker. That statement elicits a different sort of fear. We love our children, but thoughts of another spirited child bring fear of a different sort. A lifetime of sleeplessness and energy, a different sort of temperament, and intense parenting.

But for some reason, that little heartbeat still brings anxiety. I wonder if this child will be born sick or with some sort of defect. I still hold this baby at arms length. Until its ultrasound in two weeks, I'm not sure I will allow myself to bond with this baby. I'm still full of fear and anxiety.

I've been told not to let the past affect the future. Most days, I'm okay. But some days, anxiety takes hold and grips me with fear. We are praying for a healthy baby. A living baby. A baby with a strong, steady heartbeat. And a little less fear and a lot more peace.

Top Ten Toys

While on vacation, Dan and I commented to one another that bringing the boys cardboard guitars was one of the smartest last minute decisions we ever made. They played with them everyday, multiple times a day. Because of that, I started wondering what our boys favorite toys were. Dan and I compiled a list of the boys top ten toys. (a side note: these are what the boys use during the summer months. They may change during the long winter months. But for our memories, this is what the boys love right now!)

1. Loveys: Joel's giraffe and Micah's newest addition, Muk Muk (an Olympic mascot thrown to him during this years Canada day parade). Don't leave home without them!

2. Lawn Mower: best side of the road find EVER! If it actually worked like a real lawn mower, this entire neighbourhood would have the best mowed lawns around. It was the first toy Joel grabbed when we returned from our two week vacation.

3. Diggers: this past Christmas, we bought the boys a few diggers. We brought them with us to Oregon, and they boys love them. They play with them often, especially the large ones outside, which were gifted to us by my brother and sister in law last summer. Those boys love scooping dirt, pouring it out, and playing construction site.

4. Rocks, Sticks, Dirt, Berries and the Forest: we actually had to ask ourselves, do these even count as toys? The boys LOVE playing outside in the forest. They forage for berries, throw rocks, use sticks as drumsticks (or blue herons) and dig in the dirt. Quite often, we find them doing this more than playing with actual toys. We love the backyard and the park. They just love playing outside!

5. Cardboard Guitars: Best three hours spent on DIY in recent history. These guitars have lasted surprisingly almost 9 months and are played with every day. The boys are constantly singing, like Jacob Moon. They place blocks or Duplo on the floor to use as their looping machine, just like Jacob Moon. Recently they have added a maraca and drumming to their repertoire. Darnell and Christina left a cement mixer truck with a removable "bucket." The boys dump the Legos from the bucket and use it as a drum. Our poor neighbours must wonder about these boys. They sing ALL THE TIME. But never a real song....just dah da daaaaaaaaahhh!

6. Piano: See above. Our budding musicians play it all the time. Sometimes they just bang on it. sometimes they use the piano to play songs (it comes with pre-recorded songs). But they sing, and play instruments all day long. (in fact, instead of napping, Joel is drumming in his room right now!)

7. Train Tracks: Okay, its not always the train tracks that they play with. But they like to play "ding, dingers." You know, the wooden arms that come down across the track when a train is approaching. Yep, that's what they play. So sometimes, they play with an actual track and use the car ramp (with the little elevator that goes up and down) as the "ding dinger." Two days ago, they were playing ding dingers with two brooms on the deck pretending that their bicycles were the train.

8. Books: these boys love to read. Books are all over our house. If you come over to our house, do not be surprised to find a boy crawling into your lap asking you to read him a story. Good thing we have LOTS of books and rotate them regularly. Dan and I got so tired of reading the same books over and over, that we started a rotation for our sanity. It works wonders. Now, instead of wanting to throw books away, we simply rotate them and get a good break from that particular story.

(okay, can I stop at a top eight? I'm having a hard time coming up with ten!)

9. Hopper: the little ball that the boys jump on all over the house. They love this thing. I'm pretty sure the downstairs tenants do not.  Oh well. They haven't complained yet and it keeps the boys entertained for long periods of time.

10. Bicycle/Plasma Car: Micah's favorite pastime is zooming around the deck on the plasma car. Joel prefers the tricycle. They do laps around the table and get awfully close to the stairs (enough to give people heart attacks). Sometimes I find Micah just sitting on the plasma car engrossed in his imagination. Or maybe just looking at bugs.

P.S. Do bugs, worms and snails count as toys? Cuz those are also a daily activity in Micah's world. Joel won't touch the things, but quite often I hear him calling Micah over to do the "dirty" work. Micah! There's a bug! Come pick it up! Micah loves all things creepy crawly. Joel only loves the snail shells. But somehow they work together to play with those things.