Frustration City

Sunday night, 6pm: Contractions start and are 2-3 minutes apart. Nothing really intense, just enough to need to breathe through them. I was able to laugh and joke with my mom and Dan (ahhh..toe cramp!). These lasted until 7:30pm when they slowed to 5 minutes apart and eventually petered out at 9:30pm.

Monday Night: Had a few intense contraction between 4:30 and 6pm. Then at 6pm, they went crazy! I was moaning and groaning. Every 2-3 minutes, I was in agony. I couldn't talk and breathing though them wasn't really doing much. I was anticipating this to be the "real deal." I even had Dan put the sheet on the bed in anticipation of our home birth. But yet again, at 7:30pm, they slowed down to 5 minutes apart and eventually petered out by 9:30pm.

Its frustrating. I've called the midwives to inform them that I might be in the beginning stages of labour, only to have the contractions stop. Today, my friend and former midwife Rachel called during the intense part of my "labour" and wondered how I was. I couldn't even talk during the contractions. But then had to inform her that they stopped and she should just stay home.

I think I was prepared for the physical aspects of pre-labour. (Although tonight gave me a run for my money). But the hardest part is the emotional side of things. The anticipation of this glorious event and then the devastating end of the progression. I feel guilty for not being able to stay in labour. I am annoyed that my mother has to come out every night to hang out, make dinner and look after Joel only to have the contractions stop later in the evening.  I'm frustrated that I have thought I am in labour twice, only to be fooled by this little leech. I'm tired of praying for this baby to come out or for the labour to end. Its a cruel, cruel joke I tell ya. My emotions are going nuts. I'm not happy. We're all frustrated that this baby has decided that my uterus is too hospitable to leave. I can't even look after my own son by myself. Dan stayed home from work today to help me out, since after about 10 minutes of walking, I can contract too intensely to care for my own child.

I'm still only 3-4 cm dilated (as of this afternoon). I am ready for this child to arrive. I'm just getting physically tired, emotionally exhausted and spiritually defeated. Pray for us if you will. We need some encouragement and signs of hope. Oh...and a baby IN OUR ARMS!